| make it stop |
[Oct, 14th 10:51pm] |
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i don't like this feeling..... i don't like it at all :/
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| live your life......fuck that shit AMERICAN EAGLE can suck it for that saying |
[Jun, 28th 11:35pm] |
i just, i just cant figure things out.
i don't know why.. i cry so much.
i get so stressed, for what reason? i have no fucking clue.
sometimes i ridiculous, but its no that bad at the same time.
this college stuff scares me =( really bad. i don't know what i want to do, where i want to go. i don't know if i have the money or if i wanna stay in state. i don't know. why cant i just know all of this. why does this decision have to be so difficult, and its not like i can just pick something out of a hat. this determines the rest of my fucking life... my life.
up till this afternoon i wanted to go to school for fashion design but i also want photography and i don't know what one to major in. and i don't even know if these two things will give me a career.
..................i could completely screw myself
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[Jun, 19th 1:42pm] |
TEN EMOTIONS.
1. are you missing someone right now?: mmhmmm my boyfriend!
2. are you happy: ummm yeahhh.
3. are you talking to anyone right now:through txt messaging
4. are you bored: yes!
5. are you german: i dont think soo
6. are you irish: of course
7. are you french: yeah no
8. are you Italian: hell yeah
9. are your parents still married: pshhh no
10. do you love someone right now: a whole lot
TEN FACTS.
1. hometown: maple shade
2. hair color: disgustinggggg
4. hair style: straight
5. eye color: blue ish green
6. shoe size: 6 1/2 to 7 depends on the shoe.
7. mood: boredddd and kinda tired
8. available?: to hang out yes.. to date FUCK NO
9. lefty/righty: righty.
10. are you tight? ummm i think im tight enough, i dont knoow
THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.
1. have you ever been in love: yess
2. do you believe in true love: yes, cause i have mine.
3. why did your last relationship fail: umm i dont know i guess i dont know.
4. have you ever been heartbroken: yes!
5. have you ever broken someone's heart? i dont think i did
6. have you ever fallen for your best friend: yess kinda
7. have you ever liked someone but never told them: yeahhh
8. are you afraid of commitment: no not at all
9. have you ever kissed someone you liked: yess
10. have you ever had a secret admirer:i dont think soo
11. ever had a hickey: a feww
TEN THINGS:
1. love or lust: love of course
2. hard liquor or beer: HARDDDDD
3. night or day: night
4. one night stands or relationships: relationships.
5. television or internet: television
6. pepsi or coke: coke or dr. pepper
7. wild night out or romantic night in:dependsss
8. colored pictures or black and white pictures: black and white
9. phone or in person: persoon
10. aim or phone: phonee
TEN HAVE Y0U EVERS.
1. been caught sneaking out?: yesssss
2. skinny dipped?: yessss
3. done something you regret?: mmhmmm
4. bungee jumped?: Not yet.
5. been on a house boat?: no?
6. finished an entire jaw breaker?mmmmhmmm
7. wanted someone so badly it hurt?: YES
8. been caught by your parents with a hickey?: i dont think
9. danced in the rain?: yesss
10. had a hang over?:ohhh god yess
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| its reall |
[Apr, 9th 9:46pm] |
its funny how things work.
a few months ago, i never would of thought i would be were i am today. i never thought i be with ian. and i am happy i am. i know that we are ment for eachother and i know that. ive loved him since i was 16, ive fought with him with everything! and through all of it, through him being the biggest asshole ever i still no matter what could never not love him.
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[Oct, 8th 6:01am] |
seeing your mom cry has to be one of the hardest things ever
ill admite it right here, i am a mommys girl and always will be
ive never got to be the daddys little girl and i wouldnt take it back ever
i love my mom
and i know sometimes
i dont show it but i do
she is my role model
ive seen the shit shes gone through
she tough
and stong
and i hope one day
i can be just like that
i give my mom no credit
but im gonna start to now
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[Sep, 28th 9:44pm] |
im becoming weak again. i dont like it. my body is in withdraw. its been so long since we crossed paths. your beggin me. and its tempting.i think about you day and night. in bed.wiith friends.at school.at work. why? are you doing this to me.i have pillls now and i never abuse them. but sittig here staring at them. i wish i had the power to just take everyone of them. theres about 50. 550 mg. im sure it could do some bad. probly lots. but i dont wanna die. i just want the pain to stop. my fucking religion teacher sent me to the guidence today. it tore me apart. i had to tell her my life story. i guess its nice to know mr.demeao cares if im OKAY. but im not OKAY. i will never be OKAY. im gonna go. goodbye
id kill to be that happy again<3 id kill to be happy like i was when you were here.. 1month and 28 days..3 years WHY?
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[Sep, 12th 9:23pm] |
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Fuck boys im really fucking tired of this, like why are boys like this..
anyways i havent updated in awhile and well i just have no body to talk to, i do i just i feel like i need to get this out.
summer is over WHYlike it was just getting really good and now it sucks.
i got to go to school right to work and it sucks
i hate most of the people in my classes and i just miss school last year, it was soo much fun.
atleast i have hanna in my lunch.
okay so this is why i am feeling kinda upset.
see theres this boy and his name is Dan, i really like him alot.
and it was kinda hard at first cause i was scared but then things got easy once i found out he liked me.
but now i dont think he does anymore.
and it hurts
im a sensitive little girl.
why is it that i get all the boys that wanna hurt me
lets list the boys that used me or hurt me Kay cause u know it will be fun..
1.Rich-cheated on me
2.shawn-was getting with me for awhile and then asked another girl out!
3.Scott-he was just a bad boy friend. i went out with him for amonth and saw him once and it was at vans and he went around saying we had sex!!! what an ass.
4.Kyle- broke up with me for his Fucking band that he got kicked out of like 5 months later...
5.Ian- he didnt really hurt me that much. i mean there was the liking rachel thing, but i got over it. we broke up but we were friends. and then the summer is when he hurt me! he basicaly used me!!!!
6.Mike- well he like was getting with me and then summer started and never called.
7.Andrew- well he didnt really hurt me only that we made out like once and that was after the melissa thing which was kinda gross.. and i regret him
8.Dan- i dont know for sure if hes meaning it or if its just me being paraniod. i really dont want him to hurt me too =/
 he's so cute. why does he have to make me cry..
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[Aug, 10th 12:24am] |
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dane cook |
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okay so tonight was fun. i kinda was hoping it would be more scaryer but it wasnt.
it was still kinda fun.
work was blah like usualy. and i disocvered a big hole in my pants where my ass is =( i love these jeans i dont want them to fall apart on me now. there too old and comfy!!!
me and laura took our shirts off on the ride back it was soo much fun.
i really like laura ALOT we get a long so well.and i like when i can get along with someone and have alot of fun.
were going to stay in a hotel this weekend and get DRUNKKKKKKKK its gonna be fun. and we can wear anything but out pantys! thats pretty amazing.
and with the other subject..... i still dont now what to do.?? i need help!!
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[Aug, 8th 9:14pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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phone with bruce and veronica mars |
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I feel lost even when im with you, you make me so confussed.
I cant do this anymore, you dont see it but your killing me inside.
my heart is so confussed by you, i NEED you to decide what you want from me. i need you to decide if you want me or if you dont need me. cause i cant keep doing this to myself.
PLEASE stop playing with my heart!! PLEASE.
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[Aug, 5th 5:36pm] |
warped tour was pretty good i must say, yes it was hott out but it was barrable.
played in the hose a few times =).
drank lots of water. at first when i got there i thought i was gonna throw up. but as soon as anti-flag started i was good
through out the day the sick feeling kept coming and going.
saw bruce at senses fail, i was kinda disapointed in there performance. its wasnt as good as the first couple times i saw them.
i only bought one shirt, i was amazed at myself.
me ian and kyle left before everyone and went to my house to just chill and then stevey,billy,and jimmy met us at penn queen.
from penn queen we went back to my house to go swimming. it was refreshing.
ian shaved his head yesterday. i hate him for it. but it looks good.but i still hate him for it
nothing much more to say. so bye
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[Jul, 27th 3:46am] |
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tv |
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so i cant sleep.
and i havent updated in a long time, so i figured it must be time to update.
its almost the end of july and my summer isnt that bad.
warped tour is next week, i guess i better hope to getting my ticket this weekend huh?
i work almost everyday =( and i hardly make any money.
im hoping steve gives me some days at the new store when is opens, this way i could make a lot more money and i could save alot more than i am now.
ive become close with people from work with the last like month.
me and janet became kinda closer but weve always been close so i dont think that was new.
but i became really close with Kevin, its gonna suck when he goes back to school...which is in like a week. man thats not cool.
thats like one of my bestfriends right there.
me and ian are, well we are just complicated like we always were. i dont know what he wants from me.
i dont know what we are, but where something. i know what kevin tells me is true.
with sex theres always an attactchment,feeling. and im bound to get hurt. i know this ... but i still continue? yeah of course cause im danielle
and i like to be complicated and let myself walk right into getting royaly fucked in the ass ( not litteraly just to clear that up).
i talked to Billy Migeee today, i miss him, i am gonna try to chill with him at least one day before the summer ends.
kyle and i are gonna make cookies and play soccer someday soon. i miss him as well, i use to ssee him all the time, and now it feels like its been ages. well it has been its been probly a few months.
i also never got to spend my day with kait, cause i kinda bailed on her =( im sad about that. i need to make it up with her soon. Vmars all day and wendys thats out plan and were gonna make it happen before summers over.
wow i really dont wanna go back to school, i really have to try this year. i never actualy tryed in school.... NEVER
i always managed to get by some how with decent grades. but my parents are right i need to get good grades so i can get into a good college. and the next to years count big time.. cause i really need to go to college. even though my mom didnt neither did my dad or two brothers. i want too, i feel as if i have to, like everyone is expeting me to be the different one to make something big of myself. like my brother jeff. he has NO job, but yet he lectures me on how i need to do good in school and get good grades and how there is no excuse for failing or not being able to do something. BUT yet he droped out the end of his Jr. year of high school and then graduated just last year. but yet has NO JOB. Billy makes good for himself. he was always smart. i dont know why he didnt go to college, i guess it was because of our sittuation at the time. with my dad and everything. i guess he felt like i needed him more than he needed college. but i think i would of been fine if he went, but hes a good son and helped me and my momma during our little struggle back in the day. but i wonder if he regrets it. and if he does i hope he blaims HIM. and not me.
but if billy didnt take the path he took he might not of met geneen and then he might not have the baby, and i wouldnt want any of that cause he loves them both dearly and so do i. now jeff on the other hand might of found a better girl if he took a different path, which wouldnt be so bad. cause the girl he has now is one hell of a fucking bitch and all she does is drive my brother insane and i dont like that one bit, for some reason she just rubs me the wrong way. and i feel as though if they get married that my brother will end up a broke old man. and i have a feeling that they would get devorced and i dont want that for my brother, neither of them.. i never want any of us tthree to ever get a devorce, or involved with and relationship like we experienced with out parents.. i will never wish that upon anyone.
thats also another joke... that bastard hasnt paid child support in a long time. but we got him ohhhh yes we did. see me and my mommy found out where he lives and we beleive we found out where he works. =) that makes me happy. im gonna get my money i swear. that ass of a person isnt gonna make my mom pay anymore for the things that he is suppose to be paying. i wont have to pay toition anymore if we get him, cause hes the one that has to pay for it, and when i go to college hes suppose to pay half the money there too... so im gonna try to go somehwere nice.
Dan's 3 years is coming up, its sad to think about, i swear i see him everywhere... i hope your doing okay buddy, where ever you are.
well im really tired. so i think im gonna go to bed.
goodnight
 yeah!
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[Jun, 10th 11:06pm] |
so last night was prom at pennsauken, it was fun
me and stephy looked hot!
i dance my ass off and now i am in soooo much pain.
i kinda have a crush
but its not like anyone cares
will someone ever comment me?
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[May, 31st 10:26pm] |
we were happy right, we were so into eachother, i remember when we first met and we wanted to know everything about one another..we never wanted to be apart. omg im actauly crying! why is this happening.??? i never should of read this book. i stuck a nerve!!
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[May, 26th 10:50pm] |
Do i not exist? Am i not good enough? Why is this even bothering me?
so today i found out that my aunt and uncle who i have not talked to in years i guess invited my 2 brothers to their sons 8th grade graduation.. now my one brother Jeff talks them still kind, but Billy probly hasnt talked to them the same amount of time as me.
so why did he get an invatation? why do they want to put every thing behind them with him? why wasnt i invited? is it because i changed my last name? is it because, i dont know i honestly dont. and it really hurt for some reason, i didnt think it would but it did. i cried, not that i dont do that alot but it was more deep and hurting, like 7 years of hurting. like feeling like your soul and heart was ripped out of our chest and thrown on a platter and chopped up in little peices and grillled on a grill for everyone to have a piece hurting!!! I just would like them to say to me.. Danielle, how is your life? what are you interested it? Hows school? SOMETHING. would it kill them... i fucking hate this i do.
im done
went to my brothers tonight, it fun for a while
me and kenny played basketball i liked it
then everything got depressing
we started talking about Dan
we all miss him
i really do
and i know they do
i couldnt imagin lossing my bestfriend
but i did i guess i lost a brother more like it
tonight ended up bad i guess
i miss dan being around
p.s.
this week has been good, im really happy and i guess theres a reason but i just i dont know where its going to go.. probly no where.
goodnight everyone, enjoy what you have
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[May, 21st 8:53pm] |
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silence |
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okay so this is my update for my weekend..
FRIDAY:
i went to the senior fairwell bbq. it was kinda fun
then i went to kellz, went to the mall with her and ate got starbucks<3 and shopped
ran into colleen then me and her and kellz too kellz home then me and coll drove around nd then i took her back to the mall so she could go to work.
then i went home and changed and then went to missy's so meet up with her and steph and the baby alex. we waited for missy's mommy to get home cause we were watching her little brother joey. he mom came home and we left for the mall. it was fun there with them two. steph kept taking credit for alex(baby) even though it wasnt hers.( we were just babysitting her). we ate dinner. SAW DAN!! talked to him for a few minutes it was nice..NOTE: hang out with him
then we looked for dresses. but didnt find any =(
and then i saw MIKE!! it made me really happy. i havent seen him in such a long time<3 he gave me his number and we made plans to hang out.
SATURDAY:
stupid gay ass work 2-5.
stacy's graduationg party for liek a half hour, came home washed up and got changed then went back to stacy's so my daddy could tell me how to get to mike's.
then i drove to mike's, we just hung out and it was nice. we talked about alot of stuff. and i realized i wanna see more of this kid. and not just make it like once every year. stuff happened, you dont need the details....and then i left and went home.
SUNDAY:
work 12-3
dinner
hung arounf
steph's
handed out invitations to my party!!!cant wait!!
right now im just sitting here.
good-day<3
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[May, 15th 11:09pm] |
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mood |
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 tired of life |
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music |
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tony on the phone |
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today was a mess
i woke up wishing i didnt.i went to school and it seemed so long to long of a day there.followed after school was work. that minutes were just going by so slowly. and then it rained and hailed!
i came home and ate, watched tv with my mom and dad. then went upstairs took a shower.layed on my bed naked while watching "the sisterhood of the traveling pants" while i was naked yes.. shut up!
im confussed, confussed with life.
i need people back in my life.. like dan and kyle and ian. i think its because all of these people broke my heart in some way.
Dan died
kyle broke up with me, and so did ian...
i need to be happy for once i like the happy danielle
the end
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[Apr, 19th 10:09pm] |
ugh!!
this spring break was an okay one, its not over yet only half over. I pretty much spent time with my sister.. which i must say has been amazing and i love her to death. Steph seems to be the only one that understands me. She got a tattoo last friday and i looks amazing. i think were going out on friday which should be fun.
i am redoing my room. i have no clue what color to paint it. but i am excited cause i am gonna take loads of pictures of people i care about and frame them and hang them in my room.
i get my lisence on tuesday i am SUPER excited. you guys better watch out cause i have pretty bad road rage as it is and i dont even drive yet.
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[Apr, 11th 8:14pm] |
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angry |
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paramore |
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see im at the point where i have to say this in here, cause i dont wanna say it to you but kinda hoping you might read it..
Im tired of this shit, im tired of lying to myself and everyone. How dare you say that i have changed! When the last time i wrote in here i said i was changing and YOU your self said i wasnt. That pisses me off so much i dont think anyone will ever understand. YOU yourself said that you were noticing it for awhile when i did admit it. i think it was just a sneaky way to back out of US. maybe your just scared of being with someone for a long time, i dont know. Sometimes i sit and i think and i think about all the shit you filled my head with, i should of known that you werent any better then the last. that every word you uttered was just one big lie just to get into my mind,my heart. And no matter what i do, no matter how much fun i have. at the end of the day i cry over you. and i ask myself why? you wanna know why because i thought that for once i had something. who the hell was i kidding. i thought we were happy? and so what if we would get into fights, who the hell doesnt? tell me? i would like to know. but im not gonna sit here and be sad anymore when your having fun. fuck that shit! you dont know what you lost, cause i know guys that would of killed to be you!
I think we have an emergency
I think we have an emergency
If you thought I'd leave, then you were wrong
Cause I won't stop holding on
So are you listening?
So are you watching me?
If you thought I'd leave, then you were wrong
Cause I won't stop holding on.
This is an emergency
So are you listening?
And I can't pretend that I don't see this
It's really not your fault
When no one cares to talk about it,
To talk about it
Cause I've seen love die
Way too many times
When it deserved to be alive
I've seen you cry
Way too many times
When you deserve to be alive, alive
So you give up every chance you get
Just to feel new again
I think we have an emergency
I think we have an emergency
And you do your best to show me love,
but you don't know what love is.
So are you listening?
So are you watching me?
Well I can't pretend that I don't see this
It's really not your fault
When no one cares to talk about it,
To talk about it
Cause I've seen love die
Way too many times
When it deserved to be alive
I've seen you cry
Way too many times
When you deserve to be alive, alive
These scars, they will not fade away.
No one cares to talk about it, talk about it
Cause I've seen love die
Way too many times
When it deserved to be alive
I've seen you cry
Way too many times
When you deserve to be alive, alive
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[Feb, 6th 7:51pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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anit-flag_shes my little go go dancer |
] |
Out of the box, out of the kitchen.
Out of the world she's grown so fearful of, so fearful of.
I don't ever want to see you again.
I don't ever want to see you again.
I don't ever want to see you again.
I don't ever want to see you again, my friend.
This is the end.
Out of the house, she grabs the keys, runs for the hills and doesn't leave a letter.
That way the impact will be much better.
Away from the man that she's grown so fearful of, so fearful of.
I don't ever want to see you again.
I don't ever want to see you again.
I don't ever want to see you again.
I don't ever want to see you again.
Why, oh why, do you wear sunglasses in the home
when the sun went down about an hour ago?
Why, oh why, do you wear sunglasses in the home
when the sun went down about an hour ago?
Life should not be that way.
Always up or down, never down and out.
You dream of demons while you sleep that make you stutter when you speak.
Always up or down, never down and out.
You dream of demons while you sleep that make you stutter when you speak.
Speak now or forever hold your peace in pieces.
Now that I'm grown I've seen marriages fall to pieces.
Now that I'm grown I've seen friendships fall to pieces.
Weekend warriors, and our best friends.
The writers weren't kidding about how all good things must end.
Then again some things, then again some things are far too good,
Some things are far too good to go ahead and let go.
Always up or down, never down and out.
You dream of demons while you sleep that make you stutter when you speak.
Always up or down, never down and out.
You dream of demons while you sleep that make you stutter when you speak.
Speak now or forever hold your peace.
We won't forget Tony or Johnny, oh, oh.
No matter how they miss us they still wish us the best on the road.
Garrett took a plane to Paris, France.
Now he's cooking up entrees for the pretty, pretty French girls.
Bookends, Blue and Clarity, to The Wall and Grace.
Darkside, Wish and a toast to the late Figure 8.
Weekend warriors and our best friends.
The writers weren't kidding, but the good things will live in our hearts.
Always up or down, never down and out.
You dream of demons while you sleep that make you stutter when you speak.
Always up or down, never down and out.
You dream of demons while you sleep that make you stutter when you speak.
Always up or down, never down and out.
You dream of demons while you sleep that make you stutter when you speak.
Always up or down, never down and out.
You dream of demons while you sleep that make you stutter when you speak.
Speak now or forever hold your peace in pieces.
this song is almost my favorit... but not quit.it just is the truth!
so so sucks
life sucks
home sucks
i dont want to get into the rest
it seems like no one even reads livejournals anymore or even writes in them i mean damn almost a year ago every one had one and would write like everyday, but now since myspace came a long thats all people care about well. im gonna get back into livejournal again.... soooo WATCH OUT! yeah
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| i think i just need to go away |
[Jan, 17th 7:08pm] |
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mood |
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numb |
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music |
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Lua_Bright Eyes |
] |
i have not been acting myself latley these days and ive realized im
just not happy. anymore i just rather sleep in then go out, i rather do
stuff myself then be with people. And i really dont know why and i
would like to know i just, i cant figure it out. Ever since the summer
ended i've just wanted to be by myself. I miss my bestfriend,i use to
do everything with her.I miss Dan i use to do everything in the world
with that boy and now i dont even talk to him, the boy that was always
there for me just stop talking to me.Alot of my friend became distant.
I use to be with Jimmy like all the time and then he doesnt even call
me anymore, its like if im not at his practices or interested in his
band then im nothing to him. I use to hang out with Hanna, not all the
time but alot more then i do know, i dont even hang out with her
anymore. She use to be my bestfriend to, i was able to have some of the
best conversations with her. And now i have no one to talk to,if i am
having problems i have no one to go to. Im lonley, i feel lost, i feel
abandoned. I really hate growing up cause everyone i use to hang out
with became different,
Brittany,Alyssa,Rebecca,Lauren,Kimmy,Hanna,Kristen,Coll. I mean i
remember always being with most of them like every day until 8th
grade/high school. I miss sleepovers at Hanna's and drinking and
smoking with her. I miss walking around with Kristen and talking for
hours and hours about completley nothing. I miss who I use to be, and i
hate who I am now!
Dont get me wrong,I have an amazing boyfriend...i just miss them people
alot.
i miss going to shows and dancing till i felt sick, i miss the shore,i
miss you everyone but none of it matters to anyone, it was very
pointless writing this but whatever. i just cant keep this shit to
myself anymore.
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